I found this on another site the other day, i am not and will not take credit for it !
To be a real scaff you need the following….
102,Has considered/contemplated or tried to fit the 3.5 tonne lorry through the Mcdonalds drive through.
103,Has got really friendly with the site canteen lady, run up a massive bill on credit ,then knokced her and been heard laughing and muttering “fat old cow her sausages were tescos white label anyway, she deserved it”
104, Has braved the coldest,snow laden roads only to turn up in the yard,do a handbrake turn ,skimming the parked forklift being jump started,lept out of the car to a barrage of snow balls, put up a stowic defense of the fitting bins,then breezed into the office declaring “you can’t work out in this mate,its freezing and dangerous”
105,Used the forklift in the yard as a jack to change a wheel or bald tyre.
106, Has forgotten how to tie a dolly knot…..
107, Always,always has a ridiculous middle name!
108, Thinks the contracts manger doesn’t know anything about scaffolding…”That’s why he’s in the office!”
109, Has, at some stage in his career, rolled a spliff in the passenger seat of a Ford Cargo
110, Makes a 6 monthly pilgrimage to Lillywhites to buy cheap Umbro socks for work.
111, Doesn’t know what a dolly knot is
112,Thinks SG4:05 is “that new terminal at Heathrow Palmers are doing”
113,Never realised your supposed to read and sign the method statement.
114, Thinks the supervisors business cards are great for Roach’s but little else “Just like im”
115,Has knocked one out over the office girl,regardless of what she looks like
116,Has got drunk,lary and tried to tap you up for a pay rise at the Christmas drink and will definatley have used the phrase “But we do loads more than them wan*ers” before running off with the kitty.
117, Every gang in the country must, by law, contain one lanky scaffolder who has a gaotee beard and wears army style camoflague combat trousers to work.
118, Thinks that Nando’s is an acceptable place to take the missus on their wedding anniversary.
119, Supplys overpriced £30 a wrap ‘pub standard’ cocaine to the yard foreman, QS and design engineer.
120, Has ‘tubular artist’ in the employement section of their facebook profile.
121, Will never have enough knowledge to lie about a massive project they’ve never worked on – and wish they had of done, but will suppliment it with the generic “Yeah, we just went over there for 3 days to do a hangar”
122, Item 121 will ALWAYS be a hangar.
123, Will have no idea that the fella they’re telling lies to about items 121/122, was the project manager on that job ‘they did the (imaginary) hangar on’.
124,Will over exagerate by as much as 25% the gear used in the imaginary Hanger (121)
125,Will have struck the above imaginary hanger by simply undoing the top fittings and letting it fall to the ground, or even better into a river,lake or the sea narrowly missing some valuable piece of machinery or ship.
126,Will let you fill in ,post off ,wait for weeks for a response to that application to work on a Police station, military installation, sensative government building etc, before letting you know that the reason its not been accepted is that they have been inside a couple of times but didn’t think it would matter if they forgot to put it in the box that said “Any previous convictions”
127,Has to be home by 3.00 pm as their wife’s a hairdresser and has a job on worth £75 cash that night and they need to look after Little Alfie and Chardonay.
128,Will always drink and drive in the company van ,sit out in the beer garden on the pavement wearing the company clothing to advertise the fact, then when caught utter the phrase “sneaky bast*rds were waiting for me” with a shocked look on his face.
129,Would do anything for his work mates as they are “diamond geezers, salt of the earth” then sleep with their workmates wives, partners ,daughters and tell everyone on earth about it.
130,Can never just go out and have A Drink, has to get totally wasted and drink 20 pints of “Turbo nutter brew”
132,Will automatically critisise even the most tidy job in history by simply adding the phrase “I wouldn’t have braced it like that” or the ever popular “why did they base it out like that”
133 Will slag off the keenest labourer and insist they had it much harder and they could carry gear much further and so on.
134,Has used their scaffold ticket more for chopping up coke than scaffolding purposes.
135,Has brought tools cheaply off e-bay and then tried to sell them onto to their workmates at a ripping proffit.
136,Will as a matter of course knowingly lie about traffic incedents ,such as swearing at the public, even though the said members of the public have rung the number on the truck and given a brilliant description of the driver complete with what he was wearing.
137,,Shall be known or called “Geordie” if from north east no matter what.
138,,Has to listen to radio 1 full blast from the biggest radio at all times of the day or night
139, Will accept and enjoy copious amounts of the contract managers premium grade cocaine at the Xmas piss-up, but then revert to referring to him as “that tight c**t” on Monday January 3.
140, If a rival gang do a large or prestigious job then the phrase “we were supposed to go over and do that, but were busy on item 121” will be used whenever anyone else mentions what a good job they did.
141, Has had a fight (and won) with his girlfriends ex fella (who works on Trad) at least once.
142, A folded up, out of date William Hill football coupon will be kept in the side pocket of his tool bag.
143, Thinks that electricity is piped into scaffolding yards and offices, free of charge.
144, Regardless of that fact that the yard manager has 35 years experience in the scaffolding industry, and has worked 7 days a week for the last 18 months “we sorted the yard out for that fat c**t”.
145, Has gone down the yard, at least once ‘to beat up the supervisor’.
146, Has never, ever, beaten up the supervisor.
147, Does not have any idea, whatsoever, what tredda plates are actually designed for.
148, Thinks an ‘SK’ is an acronym for ‘steel klamp’.
149,Will happily go on his scaffold course rinsing you for every expense going, come back with a great big Portfolio,dump it on your desk,beg you to fill it in “cus I don’t do paperwork” then the minute ,no second,its complete ask for another £20 a day “cus now I’m qualified”
150,Is guarenteed to ask if they can borrow a tiny bit of gear to do a private job on “me old grans house”, then completley clean out the yard of every stick of scaffold, then promptly leave thinking you’ve forgotten all about it.
151,Will storm into the office when they see their wages are short claiming all the direct debits have bounced,and they can’t pay their mortgage or rent and you owe them big style, and then realise they were actualy on holiday the previous week but had used up all of their holiday days not coming in on the 30 or so Mondays because on of their various grandparents had died (see item 4 )or because they were on the p*ss drrrrrrrrrr
152,Will think nothing of actualy using the expletive as a heading for his post in a forum,where sensible people would change a vital letter to abide by the rules……snigger snigger
153…Cant start a well paid job until there court case is finished.
Written By Forum Members, Phil181 & Dangeruss
with contributions from Scaffman1 & Tufty
